Two Little Chicks

This is my blog where I share all of the ridiculously proud moments (and devastating blows) that fill my days as a mother and wife - sickening really. I'm married to a really special guy who is more than I ever imagined. I also have two beautiful little girls who bring light to each day of my life. As of this writing my youngest is 3 1/2 years old. My great big girl is 8 1/2 years old.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Tough

The big girl's dad has recently begun taking an more active role in her life. I had no idea how tough this would be on me. I've gotten very accustom to having her with me all of the time and as such making all of the decisions for her. The very idea of sharing is really more than I want to bear. I'm not really sure why. I spend much time pondering why, actually only in between the times when I am taking a break from fiercely angry. When she was little I was angry because he didn't take an active role and then I just resigned myself to the fact. So now, I'm back to angry. I don't want to be angry. I want to be happy because I know it is the best thing for her. There are heaps of studies out there about how fantastic it is for a girl to have a positive relationship with her dad. I care I really do. I've always cared. That's why I spent my days off in the beginning driving her back and forth because I knew the effort was more than he could muster. So I should be happy right? I should be happy she is on the road to high self worth. But I'm still waiting for happy and in the meantime I have a profound sense of loss. I know it is selfish. Really I do but that doesn't change my feelings. Still I am sad, angry, and hurt.

1 Comments:

Blogger O and F said...

oh, you have every right to your feelings, all of them... your conviction and your caring is what makes you such a good mama!

11:27 PM  

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